What I plan to do

I want to sort the pieces and be a better me. As frustrated as I get with myself, I don't have any desire to be anyone else. I don't love how I look, but I want to look like me. So, what's the plan?

The obvious with weight is eat less and exercise more. I wouldn't say I eat a lot, but I definitely favor carbs. Oh, delicious carbs, I will miss you the most. I will have to shift to the lower carb diet, which has worked for me before. I'm not sure if it works because my body is better with that type of diet or I just eat less because all the things I find especially delicious are removed from my diet. I suppose it doesn't really matter.

I need to move this body more. I take long walks now and again (a couple of times a week), but I need to force myself to walk every day. This is truly embarrassing to admit, that I am too lazy to get out there for 30 minutes or so, but that's the fact. Here's the especially ridiculous thing: the walks I could take could be by the water and they'd be absolutely lovely, and I still won't do it. That needs to change.

I also need to work on my head. There's a part of me that feels like I need to bring the two parts of me together: my body and my expectations. I need to start loving this thing I drag around. I need to be happy with myself.

I am starting a new therapist this week. The old one was fine but I just felt like it didn't click. Let's see how it goes. I think I need to start meditating. And do more art. And write more (which brings me here.) And try to be more positive.

This all said, I don't want to overwhelm myself immediately. I know if I try to write and diet and exercise and meditate and art and and and, I'm just going to fail, and then I will beat myself up. So, this week I try to do the diet and exercise, and I write here. The first steps.

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