In dreams

I sometimes dream that my body is different. In some dreams, I am a runner. I can run for miles and miles, and I am so very strong. I feel myself running over fields and not getting tired. I try to beat my best times.

I dream that I'm on "Survivor." I don't win but I make it pretty far through the season.  I do pretty well at the challenges and my teammates view me as a valuable member of the tribe. I always make it to the jury. I'm one of those contestants that get invited back for the all-star seasons. I've done as well as coming in fifth, which isn't too bad.

In some dreams, I am very thin. I'm the kind of thin that has my body flat and muscular and without curves. I wear clothes that I could never wear now. This is a type of body body that I would never get; I'm simply not shaped like this.

I have dreams that I have been dieting and I realize I've eaten a bunch of food that is not on my diet at all: whole cakes, stacks of cookies, any junk food that is handy. I can't believe I've done this when I supposed to be dieting. I wonder why I can't keep track of what I am eating. I wonder how I can negate this mistake in eating so much.

One time I dreamt of Lena Dunham and a beautiful man she was dating. I asked him if he loved her even though she was shaped like that. He told me that he loved her body, that he loved how she looked. That how she looked was something that attracted him to her. I was stunned to realize that her body wasn't a negative or something that she had to overcome to be loved. That was a good dream.

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