My history of my body, Part 4

It was a few years into grad school when we moved away from the gym. Although I lost the muscle definition, I still maintained my weight at a decent level. But then, as is my pattern, I started to ignore my diet. I was busy with grad school, I lived an hour away, I was working so hard I deserved to eat what I wanted. And the weight began to go upwards.

I graduated and got a job teaching college. The hours were long, and I was exhausted all the time. I ate and ate whatever I wanted, and rarely exercised. I told myself I was busy and needed to treat myself. I realized that my "dream job" as a professor, the driving factor for going to grad school and putting up with all that nonsense, was not a job I wanted. After two years of teaching, I didn't renew my contract, but I had no idea what it was I wanted to do.

I had time to fill, so I joined a gym. I joined Weight Watchers again. At my first weigh-in, they told me I needed to lose 55 pounds to make it to my goal weight. That seemed like a lot, but they were the experts. And, frankly, I had no idea if I'd come close to that, so why worry about it?

WW had switched the point system: a serving of strawberries was one point, 3 oz. of lean meat was one point, etc. I wrote down everything, following the diet strictly. After my first week, I weighed in and lost exactly one pound. As I've said: slow gainer, slow loser. The same thing happened the next week. On Week 3, no change. The leader called me aside and explained how I really needed to write everything down and follow the program. I explained that I did (and silently resented her doubting me adherence.) But I refused to be discouraged.

I lost over 40 pounds. It took a year and it was definitely pound by painful pound. I looked good, I felt good about myself, and WW insisted I wasn't at my goal. If I have a beef with WW is that they impose a weight for an ideal, rather that helping a person love what they've become. I should have loved what my body had become. I should have been happy and proud, but, instead, week after week, I weighed in and they tut-tutted that I wasn't any closer to being at their goal. After I while, I stopped going, but I promised myself I'd stay at this weight. (Spoiler: promise was broken.)

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